“Every time you appear on an episode the panel spends more time talking about whale sex than they do the actual topic...”

Anime Roundtable: Episode 75

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 18:32:35 -0400

This is actually somewhat substantially late, but I think it makes a nice extra, though definitely a cop-out of a blog post. Since Mike has been a bit too busy to get to posting the latest episode of the Anime Roundtable, here is the uncut, unedited, video version of Episode 75, ie. the live Saturday night show at Anime North 2009.

TATANS: Episode 2

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 23:30:28 -0500

Well, if you were hoping that the prior Episode was just a bad dream, then you may have no choice but to beat your head on a rock until you forget all about it. For those of you still unbludgeoned, have a look.

Two Assholes Talking About Nerd Stuff

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 00:29:45 -0500

It was bound to happen eventually. Myself, and another good Asshole friend of mine, Brent Chittenden, have started our very own podcast, by which to rant and rave about all manner of geek and nerd fare, as well as spout verbiage which really ought not to be shared in polite company.

Have a listen. It will do you good.....and very likely some bad as well.

Sora no Iro, Mizu no Iro

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 01:43:55 -0500

Given the title of this site, it was just a matter of time before I decided to introduce some actual hentai into the mix here. I’m honestly a little surprised that I managed to introduce the “Lawyer” side of the formula first. Presumably I just became more perturbed by my lawyering lifestyle. This would seem to be a good explanation in light of the fact that watching pornography, hentai especially, tends to be one of the more relaxing things that I do in the course of a day. Nevertheless, it’s time to introduce some of my thoughts on what many consider to be the best hentai animé to be released in quite some time.

Sora no Iro, Mizu no Iro (“Colour of the Sky, Colour of the Water”) primarily became as popular as it has because it features the art of one Tony Taka. Take a close look at the images in that link, or even just the image that you see above. Go ahead. I’ll wait. Fish through it all, in fact. Hell, jerk off if you feel the need. I’m just text on a page to you, so I can most certainly wait until you’ve coated your yellowest sock in a teaspoon or two of man-yogourt. Seriously. If it were me in your position, I’d probably do the same thing.

Ready? Alright, I’ll give it a few more minutes.....

Ok, let’s continue. You’ve undoubtedly noticed by now that his work looks spec-fucking-tacular. That’s really the best way to describe it given that I don’t have a Fine Arts degree. The man is good at what he does. And, luckily for us, what he does is draw pictures of very attractive women, often in various states of undress, or various states of sexual satisfaction. My point is, with regard to this series, that there’s really no doubt that, if you take this level of erotic art and make it move, you’re in for a very very good-looking hentai. That is exactly what you get here. I’ve watched a lot of hentai in my time (As I said, it’s a relaxing part of my day), and this is one of the best looking that you will ever find.

Every frame and every curve will be locked into your memory as you stare agape at your monitor. Hell, you may even forget that you’re supposed to be masturbating to this stuff....for a few moments anyway. So, it’s pretty exceptional wank material. And, if that’s all you really intend on watching these sorts of shows for, then this is the time that you quit reading, and go straight up to click on the download links. But, if you’re like me, and actually care about what goes on in these shows, beyond the fucking, then follow along.

If you’re still here, you’re either the sort of person who can fathom the concept that erotic animation is an art form, and not a mere means to an end, someone who jerked off in the earlier section and needs time to recover, or a woman. If the latter, drop me an email just so that I can show off to my other geek buddies that at least one woman actually reads the crap that I spew on the screen.

In any event, you’re here for the more pressing concern of what other merits Sora no Iro has. Unfortunately, there really isn’t much. It seems that everyone involved with the show spent more time worrying about making it look as good as it does, and not nearly enough time writing. Hell, writing aside, the sheer concept behind the entire series sets it up for general plot failure. The plot is pretty fucking simple: Boy meets two Girls. Girls both have crush on Boy. Girls decide to share Boy instead of fighting over him. Girls fuck Boy individually and together. Girls get jealous of each other, but sort it out without much issue. Fucking continues.

Maybe I’m a bit unusual, but is it really so hard to introduce some measure of actual plot into this? Hell, even the standard dating sim plot (Boy has crush on Girl. Girl likes Boy, but is too shy to admit it. Other Girls all have crushes on Boy. Boy fucks Other Girls. Boy eventually confesses love to Girl. Girl reciprocates. Boy fucks Girl.) has some actual merit behind it. Furthermore, you can actually empathize with the characters. Everyone remembers what it was like to have a crush on that one girl that seemed unattainable (Unless you’re presently 14), and what it would have felt like to finally get over your teenage anxieties, and confess your love to her, only to have her admit that she’d loved you all along. That never happened to any of us. Parts of it may have, but nothing in real life ever goes so smoothly. Furthermore, you almost never follow up the confession with sex in the classroom.

But none of us ever had two girls want us so much that they would rather share us than try to play dirty, backhanded games to try and win us for themselves. None of ever had two girls who would be willing to fuck us in the Girls’ Changeroom, while the entire Swim Club was changing in it.

Yes, we watch this sort of show for a measure of fantasy, but entirely unattainable fantasy doesn’t have a spectacular appeal. Fantasy in this sort of a show really doesn’t succeed at drawing you in unless you can envision yourself as the protagonist. Fantasy that is completely beyond the realm of reality is enjoyable for the sheer novelty and the situation itself. This isn’t what this is. I went to highschool. I know what it was like to have crushes on women who were entirely unattainable, and how much I would have wished that I could get over myself, ask them out, and have them say yes. That’s what I want to see in a hentai. Maybe this makes me a hopeless (and really perverted) romantic, but it seems infinitely more appealing than trying to envision myself in a situation that could never have happened.

In any event, that’s the low-down on Sora no Iro. It looks spectacular, with very very very smoking hot sex scenes, but it’s about as deep as a wading pool. Either way, go ahead and view it. You’re going to jerk off to it one way or another. It’s really just a matter of how frequently.

Traffic Court

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 22:05:40 -0400

One of the inherent truths about Lawyerdom is that one is honour-bound to keep up good relations with clients in a number of ways. Granted, those same clients will often provide you with the same sort of favours, but that doesn’t altogether wash the taste of sycophancy out of your mouth. This is particularly so when, as usual, these clients get caught doing something improper in their vehicles, and request that you, as the trusted legal professional, take care of it. This invariably leads to Traffic Court, where the rusty taste of sycophancy is forced to mingle with the odour of stale smoke, barely bathed skin, and pungent legal sleaze.

Traffic Court is as close as paralegals get to having their own convention. They all get to meet up, put in a little bit of work, and spend time sitting around and chatting. There are always at least eight of them in the courtroom, usually each handling two to three different matters (efficiency counts, after all), all of which, by and large, require no work.

Let’s be honest: Unless you’re facing some sort of ludicrously trumped up charge that you were in no way guilty of, there is precious little point in actually fighting a charge in traffic court. The vast majority of the time, you’re looking at a speeding offence, failure to surrender a licence, failure to report an accident, or one of many other offences which really don’t involve any particular harm to anyone else. This boils down to a fine of a few hundred dollars at most. You’d be guaranteed to pay a lawyer that much, at a minimum, to be there. I’ll be the first to admit that we are not a cheap bunch.

And so, the paralegal steps up (with his brand new licence, and sport coat that doesn’t match his pants) to fill the void. You’re likely only going to pay him $50 or so, and he’s just going to negotiate a plea anyway. He walks in, talks to the prosecutor for 15 seconds, and agrees to plead to an offence with no demerit points (or reduced points if it was a more serious infraction like passing a stopped school bus). He collects his fee, you pay your fine, and the system chugs along slowly.

With this in mind, you can understand how, as a lawyer, traffic court is a massive waste of time. I’ll end up spending at least an hour to save the client $100, when I could have been at the office, earning $300. But, if I don’t do it, not only will my boss not be happy (lawyers on the bottom of the totem pole get the same brand of shit jobs as any other industry), but the client won’t be happy with the lack of “extra service.” So, I’m forced to genuflect and take it like a man, gag a little, and put up with the “Good morning, your Worship”s. At least until we hire a new articling student to be exploited...

Episode 52

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 23:35:14 -0400

To preface this, it might be wise to sit down and listen to the entirety of Episode 52 of the Anime Roundtable, as it will provide the necessary context to perhaps understand this commentary.

I made the observation, albeit in the context of a discussion of dating as an investment, that a primary difference between dating and prostitution is in the initial attraction to an individual. That is, although it would be expected that someone make an investment in you (via monetary or other means), the primary attraction (ie. the thing which would make you go out with them in the first place) is not monetary in what we would class as a standard courting ritual. Whereas, in prostitution, the primary attraction is the monetary transaction itself. This made me consider, however, where the class of individuals often referred to as “gold diggers” tends to fall into this social rubric. Would they be classed as prostitutes, or would we distinguish them on the basis that their primary attraction lies in the hope of future monetary investment as opposed to an immediate influx of cash?

It’s interesting the sort of social theorization that can be arrived at from a tangent concerning the auctioning off of a Pop Idol’s underwear.....

While I’m here, and blogging about it (reluctant though I am to use that term), it seems not a bad idea to provide some colour commentary to the discussion of the Fair Use doctrine. Specifically, while I attempted to explain the doctrine as simply and succinctly as possible, there is considerably more to it. The Wikipedia Article is actually a rather useful read, and cites (although briefly) a few cases from the US to illustrate the point. Be sure, especially, to take note of the “Common misunderstandings” section of the article.

With regard to Bill C-61, upon further research, I must admit that I made a slight error. Specifically, I referred to the $500.00 amount as a statutory offence, or a “fine”. This is not the case. The $500.00 is set as the maximum amount that a copyright holder could seek in damages for a single incidence of downloading copyrighted content. This does not diminish my point on the matter, however. While the government is not directly involving itself in the enforcement of copyright, it has now set a more rigid legal framework in place for the copyright holders to take this over. Further, they have defined primarily what the damaging act is, thus removing a great deal of the work that would be required of the copyright holder in proving the breach of copyright. I still have no doubt that this will lead to a diminishment of rights to privacy, especially if Mr. Harper continues down his present path (ie. in Mr. Bush’s footsteps).

For further information on Bill C-61, read here.

Now, for a challenge to both my audience (what little there may be), and that of the Anime Roundtable: As per the discussions with Clarissa throughout the episode, presuming a pre-existing attraction, how much of an investment (in dollars) would you anticipate, on average, before choosing to have sex with an individual? If you have trouble considering an average, then use me as your rubric (I can accept this for both women and men.)

Test Post

Mon, 7 Apr 2008 20:27:52 -0400

This entry really isn’t here for any other purpose than to test whether or not this page works. So, if you happen upon this post, for whatever reason, then pat yourself on the back and take in the sweet sweet fanservice above.